60. What causes jealousy

I used to be envious of many things. The things that my friends have, the good look of celebrities, the success of strangers on the internet.

As I’m kind of over that phase, I’m curious to understand what stirred this notorious feeling inside me and many others. What I realized was the I more I could identify myself with that person (age, profession, same social circle etc), the more jealous I am of them. That’s because I will put myself in the same bucket as them and start comparing our qualities. If all things were equal (or so I think), I would wonder why is that person in a better position that I am? In other words, I feel insecure of my importance to other people and myself.

Another root of jealousy that I observed was the feeling of entitlement. You feel that you are entitled to a person’s time, heart and feeling. That’s where the term over-possessive girlfriend/boyfriend comes from. He/she believes that you are their possession. That your time and attention belong to them and only them.

To put it bluntly, the core of jealousy is self-centeredness. We expect people and the universe to treat us in a special way. That we are entitled to all the good things other people have because we too are or more, special.

What has helped me to combat the vexation of jealousy is the realization that I am not the center of everything. Nothing is permanent. I don’t possess things or people and I can’t control what other people think or do. People have their own paths and struggle toward success and what they do is irrelevant with my own journey.

In essence, stop looking outward, appreciate what I have inward. Hold what I have dearly, but just loose enough so I can always let go.