96. Staring at things you can’t change

When I’m anxious, I like to wrap my head around the things that I can’t change. When I’m late for an appointment or for example, I can’t keep my eyes off the map and the clock. I know that staring at them and won’t change anything but I just can’t help it. That’s all I can think of at that moment. I will incessantly look at them hoping that time will freeze.

It’s not so bad if that moment only lasts for 20 minutes. But when such anxiety drags for days or even weeks, not only is it wasting my time, it affects me mentally and how I perform on tasks at hand. Waiting for a result is one example. After I’m done with a competition or interview, I will constantly refresh my inbox, research all kinds of scenarios on Quora or re-read the documents related to the matter. I will do all these silly self-comfort things to scratch that itch while I wait.

That is madness. I need to learn to let go and detach myself from this compulsive disorder. Perhaps try occupying myself with a lot of exciting projects. Take on a new course, have other exciting plans to look forward to. Most importantly I need to be mindful of when such urges arise. Understand that all these ‘comforting’ activities don’t add value to my life, won’t change anything and is just adding stress to my life. So once I’ve done my best at something, all I should just is sit still, hope for the best and move on.